At the height of laughter, the universe is flung into a kaleidoscope of new possibilities. ~Jean Houston
Sometimes a spontaneous conversation about nothing is the funniest! After all it worked for Seinfeld, the show that went from 1989 to 1998. His show was based on nothing, they even did a show on that very theme. To this day, people still quote and remember Seinfeld and the gang. Can’t go through Christmas and not bring up Festivus and the “pole” or the “man hands”. Being a fan of the show, I still catch a re-run every now and again, but I don’t think they ever had a show based on a goat.
If the show was being produced then Kyle and I would have the best “nothing” story for them. First of all, it seems that most of my stories revolve around swimming lessons. I’m not sure why, I have Kyle on other days too, but it seems like things just unfold with us during that time. We were on our way to his lessons and I looked down off the side the road to a field. I never noticed it before but there were goats. All I said was, “Kyle look at the goats.” and he looks and said nothing. As we continued toward our destination my mind started to go toward, “nothing” and I kinda laughed out loud. Well, Kyle wanted in on whatever was churning in my brain. Then I posed a question, “Wouldn’t that be the funniest thing ever to get Gigi and Pap Pap a goat, just to give it to them to see their reactions?” Kyle and I started to laugh, and so started the conversation, really about “nothing”.
First we started talking about goats in general. Kyle asked, “How do they eat everything?” and I explained their stomach acid is potent and can break down all sorts of things. I said, “They can even eat a barbed wire fence.” Then Kyle chimed in saying, “Ya wouldn’t that be funny if you tied the goat to your fence, then you wouldn’t have a fence anymore?” and I added, “You would just have posts sticking up out of the ground.” We both envisioned that one and laughed out loud. He asked very intuitively, “If they eat everything how do you keep them in a fence?” My response was, “I guess you put them in an electric fence. Then when they go to touch it, they would get zapped and say ‘Baaazzzzip’.” We started laughing so hard. We couldn’t control it.
Then I brought up the time when Pap Pap had a goat. I was told that it kept jumping the fence and he would have to go get it. From the story that I was told, the same as I’m telling Kyle, when the goat would be on one ridge, dad would be on the opposite. Then as dad got to the opposite ridge, the goat would have moved. That alone did it for us. Me and Kyle were completely tearing up picturing my dad chasing a goat in the woods. Kyle asked, “What happened to the goat?” I said with much difficulty only cause I couldn’t catch my breath. “He shot it.” We both lost it! We were in hysterics! Then I calmed down enough to explain, “We’ll Pap Pap couldn’t catch it and it kept getting out anyway, well and you know Pap Pap’s fuse is a short one, just like mine. So he shot it, and I guess ate it.” As soon as I got the words out, we were shot with laughter again!
At this point, the conversation had a life of its own. Then I went back to my original thought, just getting a goat and just showing up to give it to them. I said, “Could you imagine how funny that would be? Pap Pap would be ok with it and would instantly want to put it up in the woods to eat the brush. But Gigi on the other hand, would not be happy.” Kyle, always thinking, “Ya we could put it in the garden to clean down the weeds so Pappy doesn’t have to.” As we continued to laugh over this imaginary goat, we continued with our fictitious stories. Kyle said, “What if it ate Gigi’s pants?” I lost it, that was too funny! I said, “What if we got it to clean the dishes?” Kyle let out a such a gut stretching laugh that I think even took him by surprise. Since he was laughing, that true hearty contagious laugh, I couldn’t help myself, I joining in.
We sobered up enough to start again. Kyle said, “Do goats eat wood?” My response, “We have two dogs who think they are beavers, what do you think?” And the laughter started all over again. I said, “Can you image the two dogs and a goat, how much wood they would go through? We’d have so much sawdust, it’d be like a family of beavers lived there.” Now at this point neither one of us could breath. Then Kyle said, “We’d have to take the goat with us when we took the dogs walking.” That did it, I was having a hard time driving. That was too funny! I said, “Ya we’d have to take me, you, the two dogs and the goat on a hike through the woods.” Thank goodness for the seat belt or Kyle would have remained in one large contracting muscle ball on the floor of the car. I said, “Could you image if someone drove past to see me walking a goat on a lease?” I almost couldn’t get that one out. “What would we do, get it a shock collar like Scooby and Seven and let it fraulic in the woods with the dogs?” Kyle’s response, although very faint since he couldn’t talk, was crystal clear, “Ya and when it gets too far we call it back.” I died!! We couldn’t breath, we weren’t even expelling laughs, it was pure soundless air.
Then the minute we thought we were done, Kyle starts on how the goat could play with the dogs. O no, not again! And of course I had to add to this story by saying, “Ya Scooby would bark and growl at it and Seven would be like ‘I have a new friend to play with’ (in the dopiest dog voice imaginable)” Kyle added, “Ya and can you imagine if the goat would ram Seven, he would be like, what was that!” I said, “Ya but it probably wouldn’t hurt that tank and Scooby would be like, ‘Idiots, I’m going back to bed’ (in another dopy dog voice).”
So by now if we were making up a TV show, we had enough episodes to fill a season. That night after swimming while Kyle was taking a shower, a.k.a. playing with a hippo washcloth in the shower, or an empty shampoo bottle used as a water launcher with his swim partner and taking 20 minutes to surface, I was still feeling silly and told my sister about the “nothing” conversation over a goat. I was actually still reliving it with her, even though she laughed, she probably thought, ‘I have no idea what she’s talking about.’ I asked Nicole to, “Tell Kyle you have a really great idea, you want to buy Gigi and Pappy a goat!” She laughed and said, ok.
Later, after the pruning settled in from the long shower, Nicole talked to Kyle and asked him about getting Gigi and Pappy a goat. He just looked at me and smiled and said, “Ok”. He was slightly amused, but silliness has passed. I love it that Kyle has my sense of stupid humor. Actually, not just mine, but my sister’s. Nicole has always had that type of humor, after all she was the one who introduced me to Saturday Night Live when we were kids. Although, Kyle also joins in stories and laugh right with you just like my mom. When my mom starts to laugh no sounds can exit her mouth and she topples forward. Sometimes I laugh even harder when I see that. My brother and dad would laugh out loud not like the silent stupid laughs. Ahhh I guess the family that laughs together…