You think you can break me, you have another thing coming, I invented stubborn! ~Heather Piper
Those words have been ringing true over the years. I’ve said them to Kyle more times than I seriously can recollect. What I didn’t expect is the irony and the impact they would bring.
Kyle is a good kid, truly. I’ve said it before and it still holds true today. I mean that in every sense, he’s kind and sincere, honest and I’d love to say hardworking like his dad, but Kyle tends not to take after the Piper side with respect to work and work ethic, at least at his thirteen years. He can work hard and has proven to do so, yet that is more a rarity. When he wants to work toward something, he does his task the best he can. However, getting him there is a journey all to itself with yelling, threats of being grounded and sometimes and all out war. He is very difficult and stubborn, I guess like most kids.
I love Kyle with all my heart. There is nothing I wouldn’t do for him and everything in my life is done with him in mind, EVERYTHING. Ever since God blessed us with that little critter, he has been my world. Does he know this? He sure does, even when I get so angry with his attitude or actions (usually lack of action) I still make sure I tell him how much I love him and care about his well being. Let’s go back to our soul purpose on earth, to ultimately live in the absolute love that God gave us and prepare to live with Him in that love in heaven. Can I claim this? Sadly no, but I try. Does Kyle care? Probably not.
The more I reflect on my actions from this past weekend toward a teen with an attitude, I realize, he’s just like me, kinda! First of all I will admit, I know I am not perfect and I believe rethinking some of my poorer decisions and actions can help make me a better person and perhaps a better aunt. Secondly, coming to the conclusion that Kyle is just like me, blew my mind.
Kyle has always resembled his dad, my brother and yet has glimpses of my dad, Kyle’s pap, but mostly my sister. The older Kyle gets, the more I see my sister in that kid. Everything, from the way they move, to the way they think and even their appearance is similar. Who Does Kyle Favor More, Aunt Nikki?
On a side note, I’ve actually had some friends of mine think Kyle looks just like me. I’ve never seen it, but I’ll take it. Perhaps they are seeing what I just realized, how very similar we are personality wise. I’ve always tried to figure out Who Does Kyle Favor More, Aunt Heather?
Kyle is no stranger to being yelled at, especially from me. Normally, I don’t completely flip my lid and loose it on that kid, but there have been times when I shamefully have lost my temper, to the extreme. It does take me a while to get to that point and Kyle seems to be the one to take me there. It’s not usually one thing, it’s a build up and a repeat of the same behavior that makes me hit an eleven on the old tension scale.
What sparked this one? Egg rolls. Yes! First let me set the stage. On Saturday, I was in New Hope, Pennsylvania administering to the Doggie in Disguise Scavenger Hunt for Thrill of the Hunt, my company. Usually, I need assistance when doing these activities and Kyle usually helps me. Well recently, his interest in the company has become less than mediocre. There was a Warmachine tournament at the local comic book store Saturday morning and not wanting him to miss it, I offered to administer to the scavenger hunt solo. It would have been nicer if I had someone help me set up and wrap up the scavenger hunt, not to mention the nearly six hour drive out and back in a day gets lonesome, but I knew it was important to him.
Let me also include, that for the last several months, not days, not weeks, MONTHS, at the very least since the beginning of summer, Kyle was suppose to get my database for Thrill of the Hunt in order and organized. He made a deal with me and I was counting on him. Basically, his job was to enter data so I wouldn’t loose important contacts and so I could keep all the scavenger hunts and their participants in order. This database was not only going to help me target new businesses but it was to be used to reach out to our customers to promote up coming events. You know so I can get our numbers up and all things associated with that. Needless to say, it’s a very important job that I don’t have time for. Did I also mention I was paying the kid? Yes, even after all I give him and do for him, I wanted him to earn money, as opposed to just asking for it, a good work ethic lesson. Plus, I know the experience he would receive by going through this process would be good for his accountability, to be apart of building the company from the ground up, great work experience for his knowledge and as a resume builder, and it would prove to be beneficial to him in his career. All good reasons for him to administer to the Thrill of the Hunt database. Could I get someone else? Sure, but I wanted to give him this opportunity.
Is my database done? Nope! Not even close. I even sat with him to assist at times. He just wants someone to hold his hand and basically do the job for him! I even tried helping, by showing him how to manage his time to tackle the mile high pile, piece by piece. I don’t expect the kid to sit for hours upon hours on the computer entering data, but a half an hour every day is not too taxing. Keep in mind, he’ll sit there for four even five hours straight, if not more, playing video games. Yes, there is no reason why he can’t be responsible for completing this task. None.
Now the database not done was becoming a huge argument and growing fast. Then add in the egg roll instance and Kyle’s attitude became a lethal combination for me to blow up like the atomic bomb.
Back to the egg roll, which was never really about an egg roll. Kyle was at the Warmachine tournament and mentioned how Gigi got him Chinese food from the place next door, like all the other Warmachine players. Cool, Kyle’s hanging with people of his own kind and fitting in. Then, he brought up the egg rolls and how he threw them away. Keep in mind this all happened right after church, when I should have had God in my heart the most. Guess not. I was appalled that he didn’t think of us in any way shape or form to bring the egg rolls home and offer them to us. I got over that hurt and was more devastated to find out that he never even thought of anyone in the room to offer his egg rolls. What? How self centered!
First of all wasting food in my mind is no good. Personally, I hate it and I hate seeing it. Then, to not even offer someone what he doesn’t want, not like he’s sacrificing anything, is mind blowing. Don’t even take me back to the fact that he never even thought of us, at all! Didn’t I help raise this kid from birth? Did he forget everything? Now I began wondering how was he acted during the tournament? Was he using his manners? Was he being a teenage spoiled brat?
Well, in the matter of a few minutes that set the stage for the entire Sunday, which included a huge fight about my database. It got even worse when I found out he didn’t care and was making mistake after mistake with my database! Was he trying to sabotage the company? The very company I am working so hard to build. Apparently, he could care less. Probably because all he has to do is ask my parents or my sister or anyone else for something and he gets it. Why would the kid want to work when he gets things handed to him? The answer is he doesn’t. I wasn’t asking him to go chop down trees or build a house, he was simply sitting there entering data for a half an hour.
Then, I found out he wasn’t entering the companies! What? He didn’t want to, was the point, although he started to make an argument that is was double the work and all I had to do was search what I needed and pull the reports differently. I did hear him out and considered his suggestion, even though I know it wasn’t to make himself more efficient nor to help me make a better database. I told him NO, I wanted it done correctly and my way.
Well, Kyle was not going to be told NO, which is not like me at all, none of us were ever like that. He argued and argued and pouted and commented under his breath and then was moving so very slow, I wanted to send him flying out the window into the my Uncle Walter’s field!
During all this, the egg roll argument and then later the database discussions, he kept giving me a stubborn snide grin. AND he was glaring at me eye-to-eye as if challenging me. Are you suicidal? It was all around nasty and I was tired of Kyle’s self centered, spoiled, greedy, no-it-all attitude. I responded as a frustrated human being and up and smacked him in the back of the head. Was it right? No. Did it solve anything? No. Did I feel better? Kinda, but not really.
After I walked away and started to come back to reality again, I thought of my actions as well as Kyle’s. I needed Kyle to learn from his behavior. I simply told him he was fired from the database, but he was going to still help around the house with manual labor. (He needed to be taught a real lesson and it was good exercise) I also informed him that the Warmachine pieces my mom got him for Christmas and gave him early, (yes that’ part of the kids problem, he gets everything on demand, again not working for it) was going to be taken away until Christmas. AND the WarMachine tournament in November, which is going to be a bigger point system that he was excited about, was not going to include him. (Plus with me taking way those pieces, he wouldn’t have enough points to compete).
Did Kyle keep up that crappy defiant grin and snicker at me with an attitude? Nope, his eyes welt up with tears of fear and disappointment. Bingo! I found superman’s kryptonite. I finally outsmarted the teenager! His stubbornness is a lot like mine was as a kid. I knew I was bullheaded and headstrong, yet I was always considerate with my family and I was ALWAYS a hard worker when my parents needed something done. If there was money to be made, I was ambitious and first in line. When my parents had the sawmill, I begged them to let me work there. I was never afraid of hard work, just laziness. You could always count me on me to get stuff done, unlike Kyle. He has shown that he’s not responsible and can’t be counted on, which breaks my heart to say that. Perhaps in time as he matures it will change, at least I will do my best to help guide him.
I know I learned a lesson, violence is not a solution. Sometimes the knowledge and ability to use it is a good way to keep peace. When I took karate years ago, they taught us we were trained not be aggressive and fight, but to have the ability and knowledge, so when peace is threatened and those that cannot defend themselves are in harms way, we can stand up for those that aren’t able to do so for themselves. Violence should never to used out of frustration or anger. Lesson learned. I too hope Kyle learned a lesson, but I have a feeling there are many more to come. No matter how hard it will be, I care for Kyle that much and his well being that I’m willing to fight for it.