Respecting A Seemingly Wrong Decision

There are no wrong turnings. Only paths we had not known we were meant to walk.  ~Guy Gavriel Kay

Kyle Wed Competiton 9-21-16 Aunt Heather Piper

Kyle before a Competition on a Wednesday. 9/21/2016

After Kyle’s birthday celebration I found out that he was quitting the marching band. What? Unfortunately, yes.  I was beyond devastated for many reasons. Fear he was going to sit at home and play more video games and not get any exercise, miss out on travel and friendship opportunities plus miss out on all the other benefits marching band offers. Those are my fears but they’re also reality.

How did I find out? Sadly, not through Kyle, which really upset me knowing how much I was involved with the marching band and how much I loved and supported his activity. I tried to put aside my own personal hurt to think rationally and understand what’s best for Kyle. Honestly, marching band came to the top of the list with every thought.

When Kyle didn’t show for the Memorial Day parade I had a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. But according to his fellow band mates and everyone else involved, Kyle was continuing his marching band experience. Kyle told me he was sick and that’s the reason he wasn’t in attendance. Now, I believe it wasn’t the truth or maybe not the entire truth.

A good friend of mine used to say, “In the absence of information everyone assumes the worse.” Heck yes! I wanted to know what made Kyle to an about face. Is he involved with the wrong crowd? Is he having depression issues? Did someone do or say something to him to make him go the other direction? Was he as a spiteful pawn piece? Is he getting lazy? Health issues popped into my head too. In fact, a huge array of possibilities came to the forefront. Now, which one or ones were true? I might never know.

Without getting too upset, I tried to convince Kyle other. Although during my strong arguments, I realized he was remaining steadfast to his discussion no matter what. But like I told him, “If I wouldn’t care for you, I wouldn’t point out what you’d be missing out on and explain your decision from all angels.” Kyle was a good sport and let me get it out without resistance. He really is maturing.

First and foremost, I stated the obvious, in case it wasn’t apparent to him. Once he quit he’ll never ever get that back. Ever. He can’t go back and gain his junior year experience. That point truly broke my heart. I loved being in band and so did Kyle. What changed? I have no idea. He was so dedicated to the band, loved bringing home the medals and spending time with those students. He respected the instructors and the parents.

Piper family pic at DeNunzios for Kyle's bday 7-30-17 Aunt Heather Piper

Family pic during Kyle’s birthday brunch at DeNunzio’s. 7/30/2017

To drive my point home, I exclaimed, “Kyle, if you said to me, ‘I think I’m going to take a year off before going to college. I’d say, okay buddy, do your thing.’ because you can get that back. You’re not missing out on anything, only postponing it. Quitting the marching band is lost forever.” Kyle rebutted with a simple, “I know.”

One of his excuses was he wanted to spend more time on his studies, very admirable and totally full of crap. Marching band basically consumes the first quarter, notoriously the easiest quarter of the entire year. That’s the best time to be involved in an activity. Now I want to see straight “A”s.

Next I moved onto college. I stated, “You know colleges want to see extra activities in addition to good grades. They want to see a well-rounded student and he’ll need letters of recommendation.” I asked him what he planned on doing in place of marching band. He said, “I don’t know yet. I don’t know what’s offered.” Confused I said, “What do you mean? School activities aren’t a secret, what do you want to get involved with?” Kyle shrugged his shoulders and I knew that was code for he wasn’t planning on doing anything. It was just an excuse.

Another good point, Kyle mentioned that he was planning on staying at home and going to college locally to save money. Nicole and I both agree he should move out and get the full college experience. After all, Kyle still gets money every month from my brother, which I guess was kept a secret from him until I spilled the beans and Dad backed me up recently. It’s one thing if he doesn’t have the money, but he does and that money was meant for Kyle, no one else. I retorted, “Kyle you’re worrying about saving money for college when you could get a scholarship from marching band?” Kyle’s response, “I know.” Really? Things aren’t adding up.

Kyle said he was told to get a job to pay for car insurance. What? Who told you that? While I respect making Kyle earning his way through life and taking responsibility for privileges like driving, but not at the expense of his high school experience, especially one that’s so good for him. Again, it’s one thing if he didn’t have the money, but he does. Again, that money is solely for him, to directly help him out, not to support anyone else for any reason. I hope he has money set aside for college.

Wondering if that was another excuse, I offered to pay for his car insurance. Did he bite? Nope. If I were his age I would have. Now I’m realizing that he was not budging and he really didn’t want to be involved in the band. I was getting worried. What made him do a three-sixty overnight?

Greater-Latrobe-Marching-Band-Pirates-of-Penzance-1993-94-Aunt-Heather-Piper

Greater Latrobe Marching Band Theme: The Pirates of Penzance. I was the blue pirate on the far left. Great times! 1993

To paint the picture even further, I explained how marching band was your extended family and you’ll have those friends forever. All of the memories and experiences are invaluable. I told him he’s a part of a team and they needed him. He was essential to the quality of the marching band. He just shrugged again.

Quitting was another point that really bothered me. He was in marching band for two years and then quit halfway through? I don’t want Kyle to learn to be a quitter. I want to see him stick a commitment through. Also, he quit pretty much right before band camp. Which means, the drills were outlined and they were counting on him. He was letting down the instructors and his classmates. I don’t want Kyle to be that kid yet he was.

Now the biggie, I moved around my events for Thrill of the Hunt to accommodate his band schedule, so I could be involved and support him. Did I tell him? I did, but I prefaced it with “Now I know this isn’t your fault at all but I did move around my events to accommodate your band schedule.”   He seemed shocked and worried, like I was going to use my decision against him. That wasn’t my intent. Again, I wanted to further show how important band was and demonstrate my full support for his activity.

As a last ditch effort, I asked Kyle if he would stay in if I stopped chaperoning?  (Even though I really enjoyed it) He said that wasn’t it. I reiterated that I didn’t mind and it wasn’t a big deal.   He said that wasn’t the reason.

Well as it turns out, I’m not chaperoning without Kyle.  I wouldn’t mind, but it would tear me apart seeing him miss out.  However, if they need me to help out, I told them I would oblige. I’m still helping to manage their social media.

A few weeks ago band camp was in full swing. It tore me in two knowing the hard work and all the fun the students were having without Kyle. Instead, he was at home probably lying around playing video games. That truly bothered me. If he was reading, or doing research into his potential field of study or working to save money, I can accept that, something constructive. But being lazy and waiting for an activity to strike his fancy doesn’t sit well with me. I mean, even if he said, he really wanted to get involved in XYZ activities, that’s a plan and I get the trade off. Going from something to nothing is never a good idea.

Kyle is at the age where he wants to control his life and make his own decisions. Understood. However, he’s still too young to see the bigger picture, realize consequences and see good and missed opportunities. This entire situation is very frustrating and honestly nauseating.

When I spoke to friends and mentioned Kyle’s decision, they all got the same shocked face I once sported, now mines just confusion and upset. Everyone knew how much he loved and was involved in the marching band and to turn his back on all that was a confusing. Everyone also got the same sick feeling things weren’t right. Something underlying was wrong.

On the other hand, I’ve always tried to respect and support Kyle’s decisions but when it seems to be the wrong choice, it’s really hard. Granted, no one knows the future. All we can do is sit back, pray, and let life unfold and be as supportive as possible. Maybe Kyle chose correctly and maybe he didn’t. As long as he doesn’t have any regrets and he’s happy, then so am I.

I was told from a very wise retired teacher, the best way to teach a kid is to let them fail, essentially fall and then help them get back up with love. I would rather Kyle make his mistakes now with minor instances than big ones later in life. I hope the words “I told you so” never escape my mouth, for mistakes are sometimes the best lessons and sometimes offers the greatest opportunities.

Kyle started school on Thursday.  I texted him and called  him to wish him luck.  No response.  I do miss the days I’d see him off for the first day of school and he was excited to see me.  Kyle loved going to school.  I think it was the combination of learning, socializing and simple structure and authority figures, something he was in short demand.

God Speed Kyle, I’m always here when you need me.

 

Note about the quote:

Guy Gavriel Kay was a Canadian fantasy author. Christopher Tolkien hired him to help edit his father J.R.R. Tolkien’s unpublished work.

Save

Save

Save

Save

posted by auntheather in Common Sense,Education & Learning,Family,Hiking & Outdoors,Milestone,News,Observation & Imagination,Patience,Video Games & Games and have No Comments

Honoring a Fallen Friend With Music – Please Donate

Music, once admitted to the soul, becomes a sort of spirit, and never dies.  ~Edward Bulwer-Lytton

kyle-kiski-marching-band-2016-nemesis-aunt-heather-piper

Kyle & his fellow sousaphone members performing Nemesis 2016

I’ve talked about Chaperoning the Kiski Area Marching Band and being a band chaperone.  I truly love being apart of this organization, not only for Kyle’s sake but for all the students who work so very hard.  They’re a great group of students, staff and parents.

A few months ago, I was asked to take over the Kiski Bands social media.  Did I accept?  Of course.  I was honored to use my marketing experience and skills to help promote this talented and dedicated group.  Even though I’m still in the process of systematizing their online efforts, I was able to finalize a press release, one that needs to be shared far and wide.

kiski-area-marching-band-nemesis-2016

Kiski Area Marching Band performing Nemesis 2016

This past June, I addressed Dealing With Loss, the tragic accident that claimed the life of Nicholas Ursiny, a member of the Kiski Area Bands and a friend of Kyle’s.  I’m no stranger to tragedy, loss or grief, and I know nothing can truly ease the sadness when dealing with this emotionally powerful trio, but there are numerous ways to work through the heartache.  Many times God presents opportunities to help us heal and cope, and this one comes in the form of music.

The band directors and the student leadership collaborated to present a unique and truly inspirational opportunity for everyone to be involved and honor a young man, taken too soon.  How?  Through music of course.  The Kiski Area Bands is in the process of collecting monetary contributions to commission an original piece of music to honor Nick.  Once the music is completed, the bands will present this tribute in concert, open to the public for all to hear and enjoy.

This memorial will last a lifetime and beyond, and could touch the lives of countless souls, even those unaware of its origins.

Please help the Kiski Area Bands fulfill their mission of honoring one of their own through music.  All donations, made in any increment, may be made to:

KAIB (Kiski Area Instrumental Boosters)
c/o Nicholas Ursiny Memorial Commission
P.O. Box 124
Vandergrift, PA 15690
www.KiskiBands.org

I hope the next time I talk about this personal tribute, it will be while listening to the piece of music written specifically for Nick.  This gesture, however original and appropriate, won’t heal the hearts of those effected by Nick’s death, but it does give the students, teachers, staff and parents a goal to work towards and night of celebrating Nick’s life for all to hear.

Below is the original press release.  Please contact me at Heather@AuntHeather.com with any questions, suggestions or inquires.  Thank you in advance for taking the time to hear this story.

Kiski Band Raising Money for Nicholas Ursiny Memorial Commission

Nick Ursiny, a Kiski Band Member Passed Away In a Tragic Accident

December 14, 2016 – The Kiski Area Bands from Vandergrift, Pa. need help to complete their goal of raising $5,000 to commission a new piece of music composition in memory of Nicholas Ursiny, a Kiski Area Band student who tragically passed away in June. Thanks to generous donations, the Kiski Area Bands have raised approximately $3,500 and is asking to help close the gap for this unique memorial. Donations may be issued to KAIB (Kiski Area Instrumental Boosters) www.kiskibands.org/contact.

Nicholas Ursiny, a student at the Kiski Area High School, was going into his sophomore year. He was a member of the horn/mellophone section in the Kiski Area Bands and played French horn in the concert bands before a tragic accident claimed his life this past June. To keep the spirit of Nicholas alive, the Kiski Marching Band student leadership worked with directors, Robert Traugh, Chad Heiny and Shawn Pityk, to develop the idea of honoring Nicholas through a piece of commissioned music.

“This project is simple and heartfelt, offering the opportunity for all who were shocked by this tragedy to create a lasting memorial through music to a life lost too soon.” said Robert Traugh, Band Director of the Kiski Area Bands. “Nick was a valuable part of our organization and was truly missed this past season.”

Donations from friends, family, students and faculty have been gratefully received. Neighboring bands, Norwin, Gateway, Connellsville, Highlands and Mars, have paid their respects and generously donated to the Nicholas Ursiny Memorial Commission.

“The band is a close-knit community of passionate and talented individuals. While we compete against each other; we’re all family and we fully support each other.” Traugh replied. “We’ve been blessed with many donations and we hope to begin the process for this musical tribute and engage a composer soon.”

Information on the commissioned composer will be available as soon as the completed funds are available. Members of the Kiski Area Bands will premiere the piece of music in concert, open to the public.

For more information on the Kiski Area Bands including a list of events, concerts and competitions visit www.kiskibands.org.

About Kiski Area Bands

Kiski Area Bands, apart of the Kiski Area School District is from Vandergrift, Pa., about 35 miles northeast of Pittsburgh, Pa. Kiski Area Bands is a student organization lead by Band Directors Robert Traugh, Chad Heiny and Shawn Pityk and is comprised of students from grades five through twelve. The Kiski Area Marching Band is a division of the Kiski Area Bands consisting of students from grades ninth through twelfth.

KAIB (Kiski Area Instrumental Boosters)
P.O. Box 124
Vandergrift, PA 15690
www.KiskiBands.org

####

Save

Save

Save

posted by auntheather in Church,Education & Learning,Family,Milestone,News,Patience and have No Comments

Behind the Kiski Area Marching Band

Better a cruel truth than a comfortable delusion.   ~Edward Abbey

kyle-tom-performing-in-nemesis-kisk-marching-band-2016-aunt-heather-piper

Kyle (center) giving his all during the performance of Nemesis – Kiski Area Marching Band 2016

Last night, Kiski presented the showcase of bands, whereas the seventh through twelfth grade students in band, performed, including the marching band.  What a great talented group.

Mr. Robert Traugh is the Kiski Area Marching Band Director.  Watching him instruct his students and seeing how they truly respect him is very refreshing and a relief to me.  In fact, Mr. Traugh is a true leader.  Besides being musically talented himself and very creative, he never accepts passing the blame, he gets straight to the heart of a problem to find a solution, he pushes his students towards excellence and beyond, and he holds each and every band member accountable.  Like I said, a true leader and a good role model.

kiski-band-practice-before-boa-10-17-16-aunt-heather-piper

Kyle (left) at practice before Bands of America in Newark, Delaware. 10/12/16

How do I know?  Simply watching from a distance, as well as a brief encounter not long ago.  Unbeknownst to Mr. Traugh, I was a bystander in the back of the room during one of his speeches to the entire band, after the Gateway Competition preliminaries when they first lost.  I heard the talk in the halls, the students where blaming the program and wanted to go back to last year’s Origins show.  Some where pointing fingers to this group, that person and so on.  It was upsetting to me because I’ve never tolerated such behavior from Kyle, and there I found him among it.  However, enter Mr. Traugh stage right (literally, the band members were on the stage in the auditorium) to put out the fire.

He must have heard or sensed the same negativity and gathered the students in the auditorium between performances for a little talk.  Since it was a long day of chaperoning, I brought my iPad to work during down time.  Coincidentally, I was seated among the spontaneous gathering site.  I thought about moving, but I was right in the middle of a few thoughts I wanted to jot down first.  Then, I didn’t want to bring any attention to myself by walking past the kids to exit during Mr. Traugh’s speech.  So I stayed put.

kyle-napping-on-the-bus-9-17-16

Kyle napping on the bus before a competition after practicing all day. 9/17/16

He got straight to the point.  Calling out specifics during the performance for the band’s low score and placement.  In contrast, he pointed out the good aspects of their show, too.  Mr. Traugh humbled the students, in a good way, and really turned their attitude around.  Then, he drove it home by having the kids place themselves in the winners shoes and stated how good those kids must be feeling, especially since they haven’t placed first in a very long time.  I believe it was Norwin or Moon that beat them.  (Sorry I can’t remember)

Let me step back a few hours to right before Kiski’s first performance at Gateway.  I don’t want to say they were arrogant, but overtly confident with an air of privilege.  After all, in their minds, they swept last year’s first place seats time and time again, which they earned.  After the students didn’t place this year, they had a reality check that was evident on everyone’s faces.  Now, they were ready to fight for first place and earn their top spot again.  On a side note, I thought they had a wonderful performance.

The way the kids responded to Mr. Traught’s lecture and encouragement made me proud.  The kids are really a great group, and they wouldn’t be without proper leadership.  Not only from Mr. Traugh but from all the instructors and the band parents alike.  While the students are the face of the marching band, the parents and staff are the backbone.  Without that structure, the band wouldn’t be able to rise to greatness.

kiski-marching-band-performing-nemesis-2016-aunt-heather-piper

Kiski Area Marching Band performing Nemesis 2016

During that day, which I believe was Saturday, September 24th, Ryan’s birthday, Kyle’s dad,  Kiski school was home base to Moon between performances.  Our kids were very welcoming and respectful, as was Moon.  In fact, Moon ordered enough frosties from Wendy’s for the entire Kiski Band, as a thank you to hosting them between performances.  Can you believe it?  What a nice gesture!  I’m guessing they have pretty stellar leaders too.

In fact, I’ve noticed during all performances, the Kiski Band has shown respect for all other bands.  Watching the band stand and clap for performances, cheering on other kids, simply showing good comrade.  They’ve also shown respect by they actions before, during and after performances, pitching in as a team to assist their own, and others and remaining quiet when needed.  Yes, I can’t be happier to have Kyle surrounded by this group and the Kiski leadership.

kyle-kiski-area-marching-band-nemesis-2016-aunt-heather-piper

Kyle on the move performing Nemesis for the Kiski Area Marching Band 2016

Last Saturday, October 15, 2016, Kiski Area Marching Band competed in Bands of America in Newark, Delaware.  How did they do?  Fantastic!  They took first place at preliminaries and second place overall, out of 27 top bands from the east coast.  That’s what happens when instructors listen to constructive criticism to make the students better, the students humble themselves to do their best, and everyone works hard.

Way to go Kiski!  Your show is really fantastic and you guys are very talented!  Great season!

Save

Save

Save

Save

Save

Save

Save

posted by auntheather in Common Sense,Education & Learning,Family,Observation & Imagination,Travels and have No Comments

Chaperoning the Kiski Area Marching Band

Love doesn’t just sit there, like a stone, it has to be made, like bread; remade all the time, made new.  ~Ursula K. Le Guin

Great job Kiski!  Everyone worked really hard and it showed.  I knew you guys could do it!

kyle-on-bus-after-game-10-7-16-aunt-heather-piper

A very drenched Kyle on the bus after the football game at McKeesport … boy does he remind me of his Dad 10/7/16

Saturday, the Kiski Area Marching Band participated in the Bands of America competition in Newark, Delaware.  How did Kiski do?  They took first place at preliminaries and second place overall, out of 27 top bands from the east coast.  They brought it and then some.

While I chose not to chaperon the Delaware trip, I’ve been honored with chaperoning pretty frequently throughout the season for football games and competitions.  Do I mind?  Not at all!  I love being involved with Kyle and supporting his interests and activities.  Plus a big bonus, the band kids, the band parents and the staff are wonderful people who are working to make this group the best it can be for each and every child.

Does Kyle want me chaperoning?  I really don’t think so, but the more I’m around the band, the more he’s acclimated to my presence, and the more he seems to accept it.  I try to give him his space, but sometimes I just can’t help myself, I want throw big hugs and kisses his way.  Trying not to overstep my bounds, I’ve ambushed him with a few hugs and a few waves, and certainly many shout outs during performances, but that’s it.  Anyone who knows me, knows I’m showing restraint.  I just love my sousaphone player and I’m very proud of him!

Now that Kyle’s older, sometimes it’s hard to see his Piper family influence.  Then, a situation happens that shows his roots. Once being the Latrobe verses Kiski football game.  It was at Latrobe.

I met the band at the Latrobe Memorial Stadium, which saved me a lot of driving.  As I waited around, waited around, waited around, I had a sneaky suspicion they got lost.  Knowing Kyle wouldn’t answer me, I texted him asking to give them some guidance to the stadium.  Just then, I get a return text saying We’re here.  While reading the message, the buses rounded the corner, everyone except for the equipment truck, who went to the high school.

Later I found out, during their travels a bus broke down and they got a late start.  It happens.

kiski-marching-band-nemisis-2016-aunt-heather-piper

Kyle in the Kiski Area Marching Band – performing Nemesis at Deer Lakes High School 2016

To offer a very rare assistance, (I’m very directionally challenged) I let the parents know I’m a Latrobean and I know the area very well.  In fact, I’ve traveled the route from Delmont to Latrobe too many times to count.  In addition, I informed them they had a secret weapon among their group, Kyle.  I made sure the parental crew was aware Kyle knows his way around Latrobe with absolute certainty, and if needed, they could lean on him to bring the entire marching band into Latrobe.  That’s when I received news that melted my heart.

The one mom told me Kyle was on her bus offering his assistance letting her know he’s from Latrobe.  That’s my little man!  Naturally, she was confused until I explained that I’m from Latrobe and Kyle has always lived with us half-time, until the band consumed his weekends.  (That brought a laugh from everyone.  It’s true the band is very dedicated and they practice a lot, which builds good character.)

I’m glad Kyle is apart of this group, but I do worry about him.  Not only in band, but in all aspects of his life.  During the beginning of the season, a few parents mentioned to me that they were concerned for Kyle.  Since the tragic passing of his friend Nick, Dealing With Loss.  Kyle took it hard.  Understandably.  What really melted my heart, besides the idea of Kyle suffering inside, was the heartfelt thoughts and concerns from these parents that I hardly knew.  They also stated an unknown fact, Kyle and Nick always sat together on the bus.  My poor Kyle.  What a constant reminder of the passing of a friend.  A few parents confessed to trying to talk to Kyle about Nick, but Kyle brushed them off.  I greatly appreciate their concern , and trying to ease Kyle’s pain.  Thank you!

pensive-kyle-on-bus-to-wednesday-competition-9-21-16

A very pensive Kyle on the bus to a Wednesday Competition. 9/21/16

Moving past the sadness, now a funny story that might have indirectly helped Kyle.  While I was in the auditorium between performance for the Gateway competition, I happened to stumble onto a conversation with a group of students in close proximity.  Being a nice bunch, I couldn’t resist, I showed them my wallpaper of me and Kyle at Legofest on my iPad.  The kids didn’t make fun of Kyle, but they were very excited to discover his childhood.  Ironically, the one student took a picture of Kyle earlier on the bus sleeping.  Naturally, I couldn’t pass it up, so I asked him to text it to me.  That was my little man, he looked exhausted.

The following week for a Wednesday competition, I received another mysterious text message, another picture of Kyle.  It kind of broke my heart.  He was sitting by himself, not talking to anyone, simply looking out the window.  It was almost a lonely picture.  Granted, every student on the bus could have been in that mood, or it was for a brief moment, or Kyle needed some quite time, but it still emotionally got to me.  I thanked the band member (I’m trying to keep names out) for the picture, saved it, and moved on.

Since my first encounter with those band kids, they’ve been calling me Aunt Heather, respectfully, and have been sharing stories about Kyle.  Nothing malicious, simply fun interactions with Kyle, stories they knew I’d appreciate.  Shortly after the previous picture was taken, the one kid told me he sat with Kyle on the bus.  Smiling and acknowledging his actions, I was grateful.  I don’t know if that’s what Kyle wanted, and I’m sure the student spoke of me during their bus ride, which Kyle probably wasn’t keen on, but it was a nice gesture.

Week after week, pictures began beeping across my phone showing a very different Kyle.  He was sincerely enjoying himself.  Several of those pictures of Kyle smiling and having a good time has since become my favorite.  I don’t know if one action is tied to the next, but if Kyle’s happy, who cares?

kiski-band-chaperon-sharon-aunt-heather-piper-10-7-16

Me & Sharon at the McKeesport game… chaperoning in the rain. 10/7/16

Without chaperoning, I wouldn’t have known about the bond with Nick and Kyle, I wouldn’t have those behind the scenes pictures, and I wouldn’t be apart of Kyle’s life that means so much to him.  Driving an hour to chaperon (plus going home), those long nights getting in late, and all day competitions were all worth more than I can verbally express.  Plus, I’ve gotten to know some stellar people, band chaperons and band staff.

Keep in mind, I’m not the chaperone superhero, not even close.  Those band parents, moms and dads, are really dedicated to their child(ren) and the band.  They go way above and beyond, making soups, arranging lunches, back and forth to practices, fundraising, helping with the equipment, even assisting with field setup and exiting.  They are extraordinary people.  I’m blessed to know them and to have them around my beloved Kyle.

Thank you!

Save

Save

Save

Save

Save

Save

Save

Save

Save

Save

Save

Save

Save

Save

posted by auntheather in Education & Learning,Family,Observation & Imagination,Patience,Travels and have No Comments

Is Kyle Aware?

To truly be committed to a life of honesty, love and discipline, we must be willing to commit ourselves to reality.  ~John Bradshaw

kyle-in-band-football-game-9-2-16-aunt-heather-piper

Yes, that’s Kyle with the backwards baseball cap! Go Kiski! 9/2/16

Kyle is a full blown teenager.  And with that status, there are certain acceptable and some non-acceptable aspects to that age and stage in life.  I get it, I do.  However, how do you know when the line has been overstepped into disrespect, not only because of the teenager status but due to outside influences?  And how do you correct it, especially since it’s being disguised and hidden as a teenager?

Personally, I can handle Kyle and his attitude.  He’s human, and a growing young man who’s trying to find his own path in life, and searching to adulthood.  I respect all of that, and I always make myself available to Kyle for guidance and support, whether he likes it or not.  My love for Kyle surpasses all that and beyond.  Granted, I don’t tolerate disrespect, but I do forgive and love unconditionally.  It’s no secret, I’ve reiterated these thoughts to Kyle a time or two, or three or four.

Is Kyle aware he likes to be difficult?  I guess all teenagers do to a certain extent, or at least they will.  I did, maybe not at the moment, but upon reflection, I did.  Again, normal growing pains, I understand and accept but shear snottiness I don’t.  Honestly, Kyle is a good kid.  How do I know?  I have proof!

Last Friday was the first football game of the season.  I was asked to do my “parental” duty and chaperon the band.  Gladly!  Keep in mind, I don’t do this for myself or for any other reason other than to spend time with Kyle and support his interests.  Driving an hour to and from the school is not my ideal way to spend a Friday night, plus being responsible for a group of teenagers.  I do it because I enjoy seeing Kyle happy, as well as the other kids.  I do it because family is important and sometimes that means going out of your way to being apart of it.  I don’t get paid, I don’t want recognition and I don’t need any special perks.  I love volunteering and being of assistance.  (I had to go into that dissertation because I was accused of such things when I became a band chaperone.)

How does this prove Kyle is a good kid?

Taking the long way to get the point, I have an example.  Trying to give Kyle respect and keeping my distance, I didn’t bother him at all on Friday, until just before the game was ending.  My Dad asked to see if Kyle would come home with me and I’d take him back the following day after a party he was invited to, near his house.  When I made my way to the top of the bleachers to talk to him, Kyle was just plain snotty and miserable.  He was a little crapper.  In fact, I had to look him in the eyes and say, “Be nice Kyle.”  I never yelled, or caused a scene, but I was stern to show not to push me.  Kyle’s response?  He continued with the major attitude, rolling his eyes and putting up walls.  Again, I repeated, “I’m asking you to be nice.  Just be nice.”  Kyle didn’t say anything but he certainly pouted and had a major attitude.  Not to stir an argument, I left him alone and retreated back to the band parent section.

Upon my return, the one mom, whom I’ve known since Kyle was little, (her daughter and Kyle have been in the same grade since elementary school) ask me how my talk went.  Now it was my turn to roll my eyes.  When I reiterated the conversation, she chuckled, knowing this teenage stage, but was also in a little shock.  She told me that Kyle is a very respectful and polite young man.  She’s never seen anything to the contrary come from him in public and towards parents or authority figures.  That I can live with!  I don’t want him to grow up to be a jerk to people.  I guess some influence has worn off and landed on Kyle.

Is Kyle aware he’s a pawn, and he’s being dramatically influenced, not for good?  That’s my bigger question.  The one question that truly keeps me up at night.  With teenagers especially, it’s easier to take the path of least resistance and the one that offers freedom, no accountability and less work.  Normal.  It’s not in Kyle’s best interest to support such actions, but understandable.  I know it’s also a normal response to want to dump added stress factors to make others happy, especially for a kid.  I get it.

How do you combat all that, not for ego, but simply for the betterment of a child?

I’m really not sure.  I guess me showing Kyle love, understanding and support.

close-up-of-kyle-in-band-football-game-9-2-16-aunt-heather-piper

I tried to get a pic of Kyle, but he wouldn’t let me. I had to sneak this one… Kiski Band 9/2/16

Recently, I had the honor and privilege of being offered some very good advice from a retired school teacher. (Once a teacher always a teacher)  She told me to keep doing what I’m doing, no matter what.  Keep loving Kyle and being there for him.  She also advised me to let him fall, metaphorically speaking.  She said if no one is supporting you and Kyle’s giving major resistance, let him crash and burn, even with school.  She continued, “He has to fail to figure out how to grow.”  She also commented that it’s hard to stand back and let this happen.  I completely agree with her logic, but it’s not easy.  My heart breaks when Kyle is upset, or messes up, or doesn’t do well in school or has a hard day.  I’m happiest when he’s succeeding, and content in life, and simply happy with God in his life.  I wonder if Kyle’s aware of all that?

I’m glad Kyle has the influence of the band.  They’re a great group of kids and the parents really care for them.  All their actions are selfless and out of love.  Seeing Kyle surrounded in that environment puts me at ease.

On another somewhat related but side note, I don’t know what it is about me that puts seriously insecure people’s insecurities into overdrive.  Is it because I’m not a nurturer and I don’t coddle or baby others?  Maybe because I don’t tolerate excuses and finger pointing, but instead offer solutions?  Is it because I set my standards high and expect the same from others?  Maybe it’s because I call people out on their lies and ulterior motives?  Either way, I know Kyle has struggles in making certain people happy for their own arrogance and control.  I wish I could help more.  Now onto the funny.

The funny?  You bet, it’s never a story from me without a bit of humor and adventure.  This time I have two funnies.

While the band was practicing, before marching to the stadium for the football game, the parents where helping tape up gloves, pour water and be of assistance.  Just before leaving, the band director was going through the songs and having the band rehearse.  As our yellow shirt group chatted among ourselves, watching the Big K (that’s what they call Kiski Band), the band director announced, “Cold Water”.

kiski-band-practicing-before-football-game-9-2-16-aunt-heather-piper

The Kiski Band practicing before the football game at home. 9/2/16

Just then, a few parents did an about face and headed for the area where the water was poured into cups, waiting to be passed to out to parched band members.  At that very moment, Diane, the head of the band chaperones, called over, “No wait, that’s the name of the song!”  What?  I about died laughing.  The band was playing Cold Water by Major Lazer and Justin Bieber .  To be honest, I was ready to head for the water too.  I couldn’t stop laughing.  It was too comical.

Now onto funny number two.

The band goes out before the game and plays the National Anthem and the school Anthem before returning to their seats in the bleachers.  Then, they do a few songs for halftime, plus they’re in the stands playing for every touchdown and for encourage.  All this playing builds up a thirst.  The band boosters serve cups of water.  Usually, we tray up the water and pass it out while the kids are entering the bleachers, and sometimes we wait and pass out refreshments while the students are already seated.

During this process, I made sure I stayed to my side of the bleachers, while Kyle was on the other.  Although, I couldn’t resist a funny idea I had.  I started to hand cups of water to kids who didn’t ask for it, and instructed them to pass it to Kyle.  I’m not talking about one or two cups, I asked Kyle about eight cups of water.  I don’t know why I thought that was so funny, but it was.  Some kids looked confused upon my request, until I flashed them an ornery grin (which I’m sure resembled Kyle’s).  Some students giggled, knowing what I was up to.

I told a couple of parents what I did and they started laughing.  I said, “Can you imagine him sitting there and everyone handing him a cup of water?”  I thought that was so funny.  I added, “Next time I’ll bring a marker and label his cups with a big old KYLE, LOVE AUNT HEATHER on it.”  The parents about died at that comment.  I thought that was clever, especially since Kyle wouldn’t talk to me.

I don’t want to embarrass him, but I do want Kyle to know I’m there for him and I love him deeply.  Believe it or not, the water is very symbolic with me and Kyle.  I’ve always encouraged him to drink water, and I’ve always made sure he was hydrated, his entire life.  His health was always important to me.  I love that little guy!

Good luck this weekend at the band competition.  It’s at Kiski.  Proud of you buddy, you look great!

Save

Save

posted by auntheather in Common Sense,Education & Learning,Family,Milestone,News,Observation & Imagination,Patience and have No Comments

Freshmen Year of Band, In the Back Pocket

The unendurable is the beginning of the curve of joy.  ~Djuna Barnes

Kyle smiling Light Up Night Vandergrift PA Aunt Heather Piper 11-27-15

Love seeing Kyle happy! Kiski Marching Band Light Up Night Vandergrift, PA 11/27/15

Well, Kyle’s first year of marching band with Kiski has come to an end.  I know it’s a bitter sweet moment for him, as well as the rest of the students, for they’ve had quite a year, mostly in rain.

The 2015 Kiski Marching Band theme was Origins.  A little out there, pun totally intended, but very original.  From their scores and metals, evidently the judges enjoyed the show and understood the abstract meaning in the orbs.  You see, Kiski performed on the field with four very large orange orbs (rubber balls).  When the students came in close proximity to the orbs during their performance, they were said to gain knowledge.  Basically they did funky poses and choreography.  The colorguard really used the orbs for some fun routines!

The students worked really hard all year, putting in long Saturday practices, plus a few days a week, and Friday night football games.  Kyle experienced his first band camp this past August, and now he knows what it’s like to be apart of a team working toward the same goal, to be the best of their ability, and to perform like no one else.  Did that happen?  You bet it did!

On the few occasions I’ve seen their show in its entirety, I was thoroughly impressed!  Seriously.  Not because Kyle is my little man, I’d be proud of him no matter what the band looked like, but because they were seriously good.  So good in fact, their show placed them first in a few competitions locally, even beating Norwin, which is not be taken lightly.

This year, Kiski Area Marching Band also participated in the Bands of American Regional Championships in Indianapolis, Indiana on Friday, November 13th (the same day Dad and I went goose hunting), along with 95 other bands.  It was Kyle’s very first trip with the band, and a big one at that.  I’m glad Kyle got that experience, and I couldn’t have been happier for him, even though he came back sick.

Tubas Light Up Night Vandergrift PA 11-27-15 Aunt Heather Piper

Kyle’s in the middle also wearing an elf hat! I about died when I saw that perched on his head! Kiski Marching Band, Vandergrift, PA 11/27/15

How did Kyle do?  From what I was told, not by Kyle, because trying to pry any information from that kid, especially without an attitude is next to impossible, but everyone did really well.  Their Friday performance was so good, they placed first, moving them to the next level and allowing them to perform on Saturday.  Overall, Kiski placed second in their division.  Good job!

On Friday, November 27th, Kyle marched his last parade of 2015, for Light Up Night in Vandergrift, Pennsylvania.  It was a fun and relaxed event for the students.  They showed their holiday spirit by decorating their instruments, and sometimes themselves with Christmas lights and such.  Did Kyle get into it?  He did!

In fact, I was asked to chaperon the parade, which I happily did, and I was actually taken back by Kyle’s attire.  He was dressed in full Kiski Marching Band uniform, however, all the tuba players were wearing creative hats, or I should say elf hats, totally out of Kyle’s character.  As I walked up to the boys, my eyes caught sight of the item perched on top of Kyle’s head.  I instantly giggled, not trying to make fun, and I blurted, “What’s on your head?”  Even Kyle gave me a funny snicker, knowing what I was thinking, basically this is out of his character.

Attitude Kyle at Light Up Night Vandergrift PA 11-27-15 Aunt Heather Piper

This is the attitude when Kyle is asked to get his picture taken… it’s almost too comical when he’s wearing an elf hat! Kiski Marching Band Light Up Night Vandergrift, PA 11/27/15

On a side note, Kyle is still trying to ignore me, like I’m ever going anywhere.  Fat chance buddy!

While the band was practicing, I couldn’t resist taking pictures, which ticked Kyle off.  I about died, when he started to throw a temper tantrum about me shooting some footage, when his fellow tuba player stepped in and said, “Get over it Piper!”  Kyle gave a smirk, especially when I gave the kid a high five.

At one point, I was in charge of passing out water.  Naturally, seeing Kyle, I approached him, pushing my water bottle case at his side, giving him the hint.  He wouldn’t take one so I left, to take care of the other students who appreciated me and my water supply.  Shortly after, I saw Kyle drinking water!  I knew it!  I knew he was thirsty!  I looked at him in surprise, at the same time he looked down at his water, and he gave me a huge ornery grin, knowing what I was thinking.  Jokingly, I said, “You wouldn’t take water from me, but you’d take it from someone else?!”  He almost choked while drinking, laughing at the situation.  Nothing else needed said.

Ah, good times.  It’s nice to see Kyle enjoying himself and having fun with his friends.  I’m really excited to see him enjoy band.  Can’t wait for next year!

And yes Kyle, I’m going to continue chaperoning, every chance I get!  So suck it up buttercup!  I’m your blood, your Aunt Heather, and I’m not going anywhere, EVER.

posted by auntheather in Common Sense,Education & Learning,Milestone,News,Observation & Imagination,Travels and have No Comments
%d bloggers like this: