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Missing You Ryan

The heaviness of loss in her heart hadn’t eased, but there was room there for humour, too.  ~Nalo Hopkinson

Ryan E. Piper

September 24, 1977 – October 23, 2001

It’s been 17-years since Ryan passed away.  In fact, it was a Tuesday all those years ago, like today.  The October weather was pleasant, the sun was shining, lighting up the blue skies and highlighting the white clouds, again, much like today.  I remember it perfectly.  While the rest of that day, the week that followed, and most of the rest of the year were a blur, there are some things I can’t forget.  Fortunately, the beauty of the day was a good memory etched in mind during the worst tragedy of my life.

On a side note, it snowed the day we buried Ryan, Saturday, October 27, 2001.  The sky cried large white fluffy snowflakes that barely gathered on the ground to create an accent of white in the trees, very appropriate for Ryan’s burial.  It actually gave me comfort, like Ryan was there holding my hand.

Stepping back, it’s weird to think Ryan wasn’t here when we had Scooby (who passed away on September 5, 2018) or Storm or even Lord Fluffington (a.k.a My Nugget).  He wasn’t here when I started Thrill of the Hunt and I’m guessing there’s a lot more that happened over the last 17-years I didn’t get to share with him, and more in the future.  Yet, somehow today wasn’t as terrible as anniversaries past.  It really wasn’t.  Now, don’t get me wrong, I miss Ryan terribly, every day in fact, but somehow my heart is finally starting to heal a little.  Sure, I’ll alway live with permanent scaring but it’s manageable.

I even surprised myself.  I was able to get out of bed with ease, go to work, focus on my tasks, and even visit my Dad without walking around like I was dragging my heart behind or tripping over a bucket of tears.  I do feel that way over the lack of Kyle in my life, but for the first time, Ryan wasn’t the cause.

Speaking of Kyle, it always amazes me to think he was a week shy from being three months old when his Dad passed.  Currently, Kyle’s a senior in high school, who’s also taking college classes.  Ryan would have been proud of his academia achievements, but maybe not Kyle’s total disregard for the family. After all, Ryan was very much dedicated to our family, even when Tina tried her hardest to drive a wedge between Ryan and myself.

Why?  Jealousy I suppose.  I never understood why she was so jealous of how close Ryan and I were, I mean, I was his sister and not an ex-girlfriend, but there you have it.  Those issues bothered Ryan, a lot, and later he come to realize how much I cared for him, even though I was a bit direct speaking my mind about the situation, but only out of love.  As weird as it was, that was the truth and Ryan knew it deep down.

You see, I haven’t heard from, nor seen Kyle since August I believe, and it wasn’t for a lack of trying on my part.  I’ve called, texted and stopped by and left notes in his car.  Nothing.  Barely a response.  He even has a car and could swing by to visit, but he chooses not to.  I’m well aware he’s busy, but let’s face it, he’s cutting out his Piper blood, which is a bad move, not for me or my family, but for his well-being.  I don’t know what’s causing this decision but it’s here and I don’t seem to have a say so in the matter.  I hope Kyle realizes just how much I love him and miss him.

While I don’t want to dwell too much on the past, especially negative thoughts, I did want to give honor to Ryan and share my beloved brother with the world.  He was a good person, worth getting to know and was taken way too soon.  He’s resting with God in heaven now, lucky devil.

Moving forward, even though I don’t get to spend much time with Kyle, which was the purpose of this blog, to record his life and interactions, I want him to learn about our family and family history.  I will continue to blog, as time permits.  I’ve also decided to start sharing full stories.  I’ll try to keep them to facts as much as possible and not emotional rants, if the story warrants it.  Kyle’s a big boy now and deserves the full truth, no matter what.  I’m only hoping one day, Kyle will want to read all these stories and accept the truth.

I miss you Ryan.  I know life would be completely different if you were here.  Please keep watch over Kyle.  He’s a good kid.

Casey Olczak in Montana c. 1980s
Ryan took this picture of Casey while they were in Montana. Jim took Casey, Joel & Ryan. He had a great time.
Published inChurchFamilyMilestonePatienceReminiscingThrill of the Hunt Scavenger Hunts

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