If some animals are good at hunting and others are suitable for hunting, then the Gods must clearly smile on hunting.  ~Aristotle

Kyle built his free Lego from LegoFest (he’s a Lego member) while he was “suppose” to be hunting. Good think I kept my eyes peeled! 12/1/12

This past Saturday, after attending the Pittsburgh for LegoFest, Kyle and I went back to my parents house to get in a few hours of hunting before nightfall.

Sitting in the woods reminds me of my first hunting experience ever.  As far as I know, the funniest hunting story known to man, at least in my opinion.  I couldn’t replicate even if I tried.

First, it started many, many years ago at 4:00 in the morning.  Yep, that’s what time dad got everyone up.  I had already taken my hunter’s safety course and I just turned twelve, or around there.  Ryan wasn’t old enough to shoot a deer, but just like years past, he tagged along with dad and helped him gut and haul out the hunted.  Nicole and I had our doe tags and naturally dad had his hunting licenses for several counties.  I don’t think mom got her license that year, but she was certainly apart of the adventure.  We suited up in the required orange outfits and headed out to the woods as a family.

The night before, mom instructed me to pack my lunch so it was ready, we all know I get hungry!  And when I get seriously hungry and don’t feel good, I start to get cranky and thinking straight falls by the wayside.  When it comes to hunting and all of dad’s outdoor activities, he could go all day without eating.  He remains focused, never giving up a minute to do anything but hunt.  Now-a-days dad’s softened up a bit.  That morning, everyone ate breakfast, except me.  It was too early in the morning to eat and I wasn’t hungry yet.  To be honest, I don’t think I was fully awake.  I don’t mind getting up early, in fact I prefer it, but at 4:00 am?  Nope!  Maybe 5:00 or 5:30 but 4:00 was pushing it.  Unbeknownst to me at the time, that was my first mistake of the day.  Not eating breakfast!

On a side note, here I am complaining that I can’t eat because it was too early and there are children starving all over the world.  So shame on me.  My thoughts and prayers go out to those I do not know who are suffering.  Especially those who don’t have such a tight family as mine.

We filed into the truck, five of us and three rifles.  Back then seat belts were not mandatory, at least not reinforced.  To this day I still have no idea where dad took us, some foreign territory that he must have known to have prize size deer roaming around.  Dad always knows all the hot spots to hunt and he has so many friends that let us hunt on their property.  Having a lot of options, dad is very deliberate and methodical about his hunting locations.  Usually before hunting season, dad will wonder around the woods to talk to locals to get a feel for the traffic patterns of the deer and the quality of the beasts.  Like I said, dad is prepared and takes hunting very seriously, he leaves nothing to chance.

Once we got to the place we were going to occupy all day, we unloaded our gear.  Really just shells and rifles.   Dad passed out our rifles to me and Nicole.  I didn’t think anything of mine until we started walking.  Dad had us walking, in the dark, up a logging road for maybe about a mile or so.  That wasn’t the worse part!  My rifle didn’t have a shoulder strap!  What?  As we marched back I saw dad and Nicole carrying their riffles on their shoulders with ease.  What the heck?  Why did I get the rejected rifle?  I asked dad why my rifle didn’t have a shoulder strap and he said it was an antique and it would devalue it.  Basically, in dad’s eyes he was allowing me to shoot his coveted antique rifle.  It was to be an honor.  Me being a twelve year old, up at 4:00 in the morning and hiking up a hill, holding a rifle for a mile was not my idea of special treatment.  I remembered saying something to Nicole, probably trying to trade with her, but she’s not stupid and wouldn’t give up convenience.  I was on my own.  It’s funny when I hear me talk about that, I kind of wonder if I sounded like Kyle, except I never whined as a kid or complained, so maybe not.  Only because dad had a short temper and would have never put up with it like he does for Kyle now-a-days.

Kyle & dad… mentor hunting… no action & they were ready for lunch 10/19/12

Finally, we reached our pre-plotted location.  Mom and I planted ourselves on a log and Nicole was up the path somewhat on her own natural furnishing.  I’m sure dad gave her instructions not to shoot down the hill in our direction, just like mom told me what area I was allowed to shoot safely.  Nicole was maybe 200 yards away.  We could see her, but then again we were in the woods, in the middle of winter, with no leaves on the trees, wearing neon orange from head to toe.  I guess she would have been seen by a satellite in space.

By now the sun was rising and shedding light over the ground.  Anyone that has gone hunting knows, it’s kind of exciting first thing in the morning.  You’re totally awake, it’s a fresh day and the anticipated excitement is building.  Mom and I sat on our log and that’s where it all began.

Unknowingly, we didn’t realize the log wasn’t very stable and as we sat, our make shift bench didn’t supply the intended support.  Therefore, the log moved enough to throw us off balance and we both fell backwards on our backs.  We couldn’t help but laugh at our comedy routine.  It was hilarious, even to this day! What makes the entire event ten times better was Nicole’s reaction.  When she heard us laughing, which I’m sure anyone in the vicinity heard our hysterics, Nicole yelled down the road asking what we were laughing at.  My sister, who was nearly 200 yards away, was yelling in the woods to me and mom asking what was so funny?  She did!  That sparked mom and I to continue our fits of giggles, and I mean gut stretching, buckled over laughter!  Then, topping it off, Nicole joined in on our humor by laughing with us!  We had tears falling from our cheeks!  It was too funny!

Well, it took us a while to come down from our laughing high, but we did regain our composure.  Seriously, I was surprised dad didn’t hear us carrying on.  Then, as mom and I sat there on our log, in the quiet woods, we heard a growl.  No it wasn’t an animal, it was my stomach!  At this point, it was around 9:00 am and I was hungry!  To make it worse, every time my stomach growled, I fell back into a fit of giggles.  At first mom didn’t find it amusing, but as my stomach continued moaning in hunger and as it grew louder, this situation became equally as funny as the log rolling incidence earlier.   At one point mom said, “Where’s your lunch?” With my head hanging low, I said, “In the truck.”  In a little bit of shock mom continued with, “Why did you leave it in the truck?”  My logic, “I thought we were coming back to the truck for lunch.  And I didn’t know dad was going to march us the whole way out to Egypt to hunt!”  As I said those words, I realized I should have known better.  Mom shook her head and stated the obvious, “Heather I told you to eat this morning and you know your father.”  It was all true and fairly obvious, but it didn’t change my present situation.

I tried to ignore my stomach and my hunger, but the screams emanating from my empty stomach wouldn’t let me.  By 10:00, or in that time frame my stomach was LOUD!  Even mom, who was laughing along side me, was amazed at the vocal cords of my stomach.  It was ridiculous.  Then, carrying the same tradition from that morning, Nicole, who again was about 200 yards away yelled down to us asking what we were laughing at now.  We lost it and busted into complete silent laughter.  Leave it to mom to keep Nicole in the loop, she yelled up telling Nicole my stomach was growling because I was really hungry.  That made it even funnier!  Then to top off the morning, Nicole yelled back asking why I didn’t just eat my lunch.  We were dying!  That had to be the funniest comment!  Ok, I’m sure to anyone else that wasn’t that humerus, but if you knew my sister and really understood the situation, you’d be dying too.

Shortly after my delirium had taken complete control, I had a glimpse of hope.  The light bulb came on and I yelled up asking Nicole if she brought food.  Notice, it never occurred to any of us to actually walk up to the person to have a conversation, instead we treated the woods like home and just yelled.   I knew it was a long shot, but I was hoping for a miracle.  Denied!  Naturally, I am the only one in the family who gets hungry and needs to eat every hour.  She didn’t have anything to eat and mom already told me she didn’t bring anything either.  I know I was over exaggerating, but I felt like I was going to starve to death in the woods.  I thought ‘This is my end and I’m going out wearing neon orange!’

Would you believe after all that ruckus and not long after we settled down and joined in on the silence of the woods, a deer walked out into the clearing and made its way to the logging road?  Yes!  Was this deer that unobservant?  Who knows but I was on alert.  Show time! I was ready with a loaded rifle.  As the deer walked through the brush, I thought it was a doe.  We were in buck season.  Mom said, don’t make noise there might be other deer around.  As I watched the graceful beast mill around, it made its way to the clearing on the logging road.  What did my eyes see?  Horns!  It was a buck!  Now anyone in this position knows the adrenaline pumping through the veins and the excitement and anticipation of the kill.  My first deer season, my first buck, the first one to get a deer in the family.  So much going on in my head before taking my shot.

Just then, as I brought my rifle up and found the buck in my scope, I took a deep breath before applying pressure to the trigger, feeling the release of the bullet toward my target.  At that exact moment, the deer slid in the mud of the logging road, jumped up, and darted up and over the hill out of sight.  What?  Really?  I literally just stood there in shock.  Did I hit it?  What should I do?  Did that deer really just loose its balance and fall in mud on the same road I was made to hike up?  Unbelievable!  And I was still hungry!  Maybe the deer sensed my hunger and knew I was ready to gnaw on a leg.

I turned to mom for some guidance just as Nicole joined in by yelling, “Did you get it?”.  That’s my sister, never missing a beat!  Mom and I walked down to the sight of the accident and found no blood.  Shortly later dad and Ryan made their appearance.  Dad tracked the trail of the escaped horned beast to find nothing.  Did I hit it?  Who knows.  To this day, I swear I did and mom thinks I didn’t.  I could have hit it in a non-vital area to later bleed out, or not at all.

Kyle getting ready for mentor hunting 10/19/12

As we stood there discussing and reliving the moment, mom asked dad if he brought any food with him.  As I was chit chatting with Ryan and Nicole, who by now walked down to our location to join the family, my eyes became focused on something more important.  As dad rummaged through his bag, I was completely distracted by the oversize candy bars surfacing in his hands!  Yes! I felt like I struck gold!  Food!  Dad asked me where my lunch was, as I hung my head low again for not planning better while I told him.  He rolled his eyes and didn’t comment.  Without hesitation, I devoured those candy bars in seconds and was happy and ready for a nap.    This is my segue to the events of the afternoon.  Remember, everything outlined above was just the morning.  We are now around lunch time.

All three of us went back to manning our posts, while dad and Ryan went back to pushing deer our way.  After all the fun and excitement of the morning, the afternoon started to move slowly, meaning my attention span went back to zero.

Perfect example, Mom leaned over to me and said she had to relieve her bladder and I was suppose to man the post.  No problem!  As mom dropped her pants and was going to do her business, I found a flat rock to lay on, as I watched the fluffy white clouds float past in the brilliantly blue sky.  To this day, I remember thinking to myself, ‘What a pretty day!’ before I was completely startled.  A man walked right up to me and was staring down, upon my upward gazing face.  Without hesitation, I jumped up!  Being so lost in my thoughts, I didn’t hear him or even sensed he was there.  Neither did mom, who’s back was to us as she jumped up trying to quickly adjust her cloths.  He was just a hunter passing by and wanted to see if we saw any deer or had any luck.  After he left all mom said was, “Thanks!” in the most sarcastic tone.  I guess she was literally caught with her pants down!

Let’s not forget, Nicole yelled down to us and asked what happened and what we were talking about.  It didn’t help I was laughing over our embarrassing encounter but Nicole yelling made it even better!

As the day stretched out, my eyelids became very heavy.  It didn’t help that mom made a cozy seat in the leaves leaning up against our trusty log.  It so temping to lean on mom and snuggle in her coat and let the sand man make a visit that I didn’t even bother to resist.  Believe it or not, that was one of my best naps ever!  That is until I got startled again by another human figure.  This one was no stranger, it was dad and Ryan checking up on us.  Needless to say he wasn’t really happy with our hunting skills, “It’s kind of hard to watch out for deer with your eyelids closed!” he spat.  A little groggy, we both jumped up as if trying to play it off like we weren’t sleeping or we just fell asleep. Dad wasn’t buying it!  Ryan just laughed at us.

Soon nightfall hit and we exited the woods the same as we entered without a deer.  I may have confused some events from the afternoon with the year after, but regardless, it was worth telling my hunting experience.  God Speed to all hunters!

Read other adventures in Hunting

Deer Hunter, Kyle’s First Deer
Hunter’s Safety Course – Passed!
Hunting – Survival or Sport?
First Day of Hunting- Kyle’s Story

Personally, I would not give a fig for any man’s religion whose horse, cat and dog do not feel its benefits.  Life in any form is our perpetual responsibility.  ~S. Parkes Cadman

Mom with her dog Fritz c. 1959

While Kyle was taking his Hunter’s Safety Course – Passed! last weekend, they gave the kids a short recess on Friday to stretch out their legs.  Kyle hung out with me during the break and we got to talking, actually screwing around.  After all, that was the first I saw Kyle since Monday night and I missed him terribly.  Well, it doesn’t seem weird talking about deer and animals in such as class, but this one may throw you for a loop.  Somehow we started talking about mom’s pet deer.  Yes!  Mom had a pet deer when she was little that lived on my Uncle Walter’s farm down over the hill. How she came about this pet, I have no idea.  Please note, my mom has lived in the same house since she was five.  My grandpap Chester and his brothers built the house on a section of the farm given to him by my great grandma.  Anyway, I’ve heard the stories about this deer.  Another side note, please keep in mind all my uncles and aunts who lived on the farm were big hunters.  Hunting is a lifestyle from both sides of the family.  Anyway, from what mom told me, during hunting season they would decorate the deer so no one would kill their unconventional pet.  Apparently, they placed a big red bow around its neck.  That was it, but this story became so much more.

Dad with one of his many deer

First Kyle didn’t know about the deer.  He was truly amazed.  He new about Rascals Raccoon or Cat? but we must not have talked about this deer.  Of course it wasn’t my pet, but I still enjoy the story.  For some reason this deer with its holiday decoration became the highlight of our conversation.  Kyle asked “How did they decorate it?” I told him, “They put ribbons and bows on its antlers.”  As that came out of my mouth, Kyle busted out laughing.  Then naturally following suit, I joined him.  I said, “Can you imagine this poor buck with ribbons and bows and glitter hanging off its horns?  Gigi probably decorated the deer with pink streamers that blew in the wind.”  We were dying!  Especially when I followed up with “Can you image being the hunter seeing that deer in your scope?  I think I would have to rub my eyes and take a second look.  Imagine if that was your first buck, Kyle?  What do you think pappy would say?”  We both lost it!

Mom with her brother, Uncle Denny at the Rolling Rock club, Ligonier c. 1957

I told Kyle that Gigi decorated the deer in hopes no one would shoot it during hunting season, which was true.  Kyle asked, “What happened to it?”  I bluntly responded, “I think someone shot it!”  Kyle gave me a gut-stretching laugh and I totally lost it.  Then I blurted out another fun fact between laughs, “Ya Gigi said she even put a wreath around its neck.”  This was too much for us.  I’m sure we were bringing attention to our corner of the room, but we didn’t care.

Ok, now we were out of control throwing out scenarios and embellishments to the story.  Kyle questioned the size of the wreath saying, “How did they get the wreath around its horns?  It would need to be this big.” as he held out his hands as far as they would stretch.  Only Kyle would think of the logistics to such an out of control story, but he did.  I said, “No wonder the deer was shot, it was probably weighed down with so many decorations it couldn’t pick up speed anymore.  It was probably dragging all decorations behind it.”  Kyle added, “Ya what if it was wearing a sign, property of…” as I interjected, “Rita Piper, actually Rita Olczak at the time.”  All I could picture was this perfect buck, wearing pink shimmery streamers, glitter and bows on its antlers, wearing a huge wreath with a large wooden name tag saying ‘Property of Rita Olczak.’  Our laughter took over our bodies as we stood there shaking and turning red from such an exaggerated story.

Really, can you imagine walking through the woods and seeing this deer dressed in couture?  That would have been so funny!  Especially to see it run through the woods with streamers hanging from its antlers, like a magical unicorn,  what a sight to see.  At this point, I’m liking my story better than the actual one mom tells.

Then we started to go dark, well I did, Kyle just joined in.  I said, “What do you think the deer thought when someone kill a deer and drug it back to the house to be skinned?”  Kyle looked at me with curiosity like, ‘Where is she going with this?’.  I said, “It could have been its uncle or neighbor.”  Kyle said, “Ya he’d say, ‘Aren’t you my uncle?’”  We were seriously so engrossed in our conversation; I truly have no idea who heard us.  I hope no one, because after you hear what I said next they would have seriously wondered about the two of us.  Going with the dead friend or dead family member angel I said, “What if Gigi fed the deer, deer meat?  Would he like it?”  That comment just shot us over the edge.  We could hardly talk at this point, but we didn’t want to stop.  I said, “It would be like feeding a pig, pork rinds.”  Kyle didn’t know what those were, nor did he get the reference to Designing Women when the character Julia Sugarbaker had a pet pig and that’s what she fed it; but Kyle got the idea.

Mom with her dogs, Duke & Fritz c.1958

I love it that Kyle and I can take any situation, any comment, at any time and turn it into a fun imaginary story to humor us.  Kyle is my buddy!  Even though he’s pretty logical and has very structured thinking, he also has an imagination and is a creative thinker.  I love it!

Good job passing your class!

Read More About Nothing
Laughing About Nothing

PS
When I was gathering pictures for this blog, Kyle looked at me and mom and said, “The pictures are in black and white?”  He laughed, I forget kids have a totally different lifestyle.  I mean, we didn’t have black and white photos either but I certainly knew what they were.

Ryan always went with my dad hunting, even before he could hunt (photo courtesy of Steve Seminsky)

This past weekend, Kyle took his hunter’s safety course.  Memories…my family took the very same classes decades prior.  Nicole, Ryan and myself participated in the hunter’s safety program when we turned twelve or around that age.  Back then; even when I was of hunting age, taking the hunter’s safety course was not required, at least not in the state of Pennsylvania.  Dad took it because he was heading out to Colorado for a hunting trip and that state mandated the class.   Mom took it because she felt it was important, hence why she had all of us get certified.  Mom and dad thought it was a good course to go through, any extra education and safety is never a bad thing.

I know I’ve talked about Hunting – Survival or Sport? and Up a Tree, coming from a long line of hunters.  The Piper’s are and have always been avid and die hard hunters.  We have always cut up the deer meat and froze it or canned it to use all year.  In fact, most the meat consumed in our household is venison, supplied from the kills during hunting season.

Now-a-days taking this class is mandatory, in order to hunt.  So we signed Kyle up locally for his weekend cram session of hunting rules and regulations.  I do believe in this class, they go over everything from appropriate behavior in the woods with handling a rifle, to the amount of orange required, to the distance from the road the shot must be made, and so on.  They also go over the unspoken rules of hunting, covering topics such as littering and respect for landowners and fellow hunters.  It’s a very educational class, which I’m glad they require.

When I took mine, I had no idea mom signed me up.  Approaching my twelve birthday that December, I took my hunter’s safety course at the same facility as Kyle and all the Piper’s before me including mom, dad, Nicole and Ryan.  As I remember, I was the only girl or maybe one of two girls in the class and a handful of twelve-year-old boys and a few adults.  Ok, funny story.  All this time, I used to look at the older guys in my class like losers because they were taking a class with kids.  What I didn’t know at the time, they probably had to take the class to hunt in a different state like dad.  My perception of them?  They didn’t know anything about hunting.  I guess it just goes to show, never judge.  Anyway, Kyle’s class was maxed out at 50 seats, and they went fast!

Kyle passed his hunter’s safety course. It’s official! 9/23/12

Ok there is something I did and I need to call it out.  During the Friday night session, the instructor asked the class what’s a ‘Habit’ and a child raised his hand with a reply “Addiction”.  Without thinking, I laughed out loud.  Then a dad from across the room, turned to me to join me in my outburst.  I didn’t mean to, and I certainly didn’t mean to start a chorus of laughs from the sidelines, but I did.  So for that I am sorry, but it just struck me as funny!

During the short break, one of the instructors came up to me and Kyle and said, “He’s an alter boy, isn’t he?”  Kyle, using his best manners said, “Yes”.  Then the gentlemen said, “I know, I’ve seen him in church.  He does a good job.”  Kyle still using his manners replied, “Thank you.” while standing there awkwardly smiling.  I always told Kyle, “No matter where you’re at and no matter what you’re doing, people see and remember, good or bad behavior.  So always act like a responsible, respectful young man.”  He just nodded with a smile.  For the most part, I do believe he does!

Dad & Kyle riding the quad 11/18/03

Dad took Kyle on Saturday since I had the SpyRing Scavenger Hunt event for Thrill of the Hunt.  While I was organizing the kids I received a text message from mom.  I guess, ‘Kyle had dad get him an egg McMuffin sandwich.’  Evidently, Kyle didn’t want to eat the supplied hot dogs for lunch.  Are you kidding me?  First of all, why would Kyle think he deserved to eat something special and second, when did dad go out of his way for a silly special request?  If that were one of us as kids, asking dad for a special sandwich, he would have told us to go pound salt.  Actually, we would have never asked such a request.  Only Kyle!  And only dad would give in to that little bugger.  Boy, does Kyle have his pap pap wrapped around his finger.

Sunday was the final review and the test.  Kyle was rattling off all his new and reinforced knowledge to my dad before CCD class and church, being a little nervous.  He even ran out of church to get to his last hunter’s safety course to study before his test.  On our way there, Kyle told me the test consisted of 60 questions and he began to tell me how many questions he could miss and still pass.  Too funny!  The he said, “I’m going to pass, because I don’t want to have to go through this class again for an entire weekend.”  He even told me the number of hours I was there with him, how many hours dad sat in and how many total hours for the weekend.  I guess math never stops with Kyle- Round up the Math at Idlewild Park.

Uncle Sony & Kyle on his birthday. He was one step closer to hunting

During the review session in preparation for the test, the instructors were shooting out questions at rapid fire.  The kids with the knowledge and the confidence, shot up their hands and were begging to be called upon.  Kyle was among the mix.  I will admit, watching him totally cracks me up.  He is so much like my sister, raising his hand, promptly answering questions and being very attentive.  Very unlike me and Ryan, or at least me.  Ryan was never an over achiever and wanted nothing to do with attention.  I just couldn’t sit in my seat for too and forget about having an attention span.  Seeing the drive and focus on Kyle’s face, he wanted to correctly answer the questions.  Now this wasn’t the case with all kids, but no one failed the test, so I’m sure everyone did well.

These classes are good for reinforcement of good practices but they are not the end-all.  I’m really glad dad has always showed us how to shoot, load and unload guns, check the chamber, and know how to handle the weapon safely.  I’ve never been afraid of any firearm and I’ve always felt comfortable handling them. I believe every household has the responsibility to review all rules, regulations and safety procedures and not leave it up to a class such as this one, just makes good practice.  In my mind these classes are a great reinforcement but not a way to create good safety habits with hunters.  I was so young when I was first exposed to shooting, that it became second nature to me.  I really don’t remember the first time I shot a gun, actually I don’t even remember Nicole or Ryan shooting for the first time.  It just seemed like I always knew what to do.  Maybe it’s in my blood, it comes with the last name Piper.

Kyle passed his hunter’s safety class…. celebration with ice-cream! 9/23/12

Well, Kyle passed his hunter’s safety crash course weekend, only missing three out of 60.  Way to go buddy!  Having the privilege of taking him on Friday night and Sunday afternoon I’m sure meant a lot to Kyle, I know it meant a lot to me.  We tend to do everything together, especially events that are a big deal, such as this one.

We are all very proud of Kyle and hope he enjoys hunting as much as the rest of my family.  He’s a pretty good shot, so I hope this strengthens his confidence to reflect positively on his skills and opens up the opportunity for him to appreciate nature and animals like all the Piper’s before him.  Kyle is allowed to go mentor hunting this year, like last year, but he will not be allowed to hunt during the season until he’s twelve, less than a year from now!  Good luck buddy!